Everything is going, ok....

Well, currently. Everything is well, sort of... The only thing that is majorly bugging me now is just the longing, the longing to be with my mate. I want to be with him so much, it hurts. As I said before, all I want to be is with him, no matter what.

Just feeling down...

Lately, I have been feeling down. A little depressed in ways; make that really depressed. Ever since I got the chance to see the love of my life, him being everything and more that I expected. It is even harder to cope with being apart. Every night I go to bed, I sit there staring up at my roof, thinking madly about him. Looking to my side, and seeing nothing there, it is just so depressing. Almost every night is a battle to get myself to sleep; I am forced into putting myself into a "Chemical coma" of sorts. Four 25 mg benadryl, and two 3mg melatonin is what it takes to put me out. It is tiring, and annoying. When he was here, I did not have to take any type of drug to lull myself to sleep. Just the fact that he was in arms reach was more than enough to get me to sleep. Now though, since he is gone again. Sleep has proven extremely elusive. Whenever I lay my head down to rest, I start thinking madly about him; my mind starts thinking at a pace that I cannot even keep. Well, it just proves how much I am in love with him, and it will make our relationship all the more better. I know it will.

Another set of lyrics

Title: A chemical Coma

Medicine to make me sleep

A chemical coma

Unnatural sleep

Concerns torment me

They disturb my slumber

They prevent the restful sleep

Another pill

Another night

Another concern

A chemical coma

Manufactured sleep

Mind numb

Something induced

Intoxicated

Yet, slumber still evades me

Mind ablaze

With concern

About loved ones

About other people

Wanting to help

Only to be in vein

No recourses

Not being able to help

Driving me insane

Just so far away

Yet so close

You see me now?

You see how I am?

Asleep

In a chemical coma

Asleep

In a chemical coma

Manmade sleep

Mind forced mute

Asleep

In a chemical coma

It all seems surreal...

All that has happened over the past month just seems so surreal. Meeting the love of my life made me realize, how much I could love him. The feelings that I have for him just pour out of me, they just keep coming and coming. In a non-stop torrent of feelings. When I actually got the chance to hold him in my arms, there was a feeling that I have never felt before. It felt like; I was actually whole again. I was so calm, content, and madly in love with him. I still love him madly, and I long to be with him still. This still all feels like a dream, a very real one at that, it feels like at any moment I will wake up and all of this will come to an end. I have to remind myself that this actually happened, that this is actually reality, and my dreams are coming true.

The best week ever....

All I have to say is just wow.... This past week has been just, beyond words good. Nothing could absolutely top the way I felt when he was here, nor could anything hurt as much when he had to leave. The week that I spent with my boyfriend made the love that I feel for him all the stronger, assuring the fact that this is absolutely meant to be.

When I took him to the greyhound station for his trip back home, I could have not imagined how much it would hurt for him to embark back to his place of origin. It felt like someone ripped out a part of me, leaving a large void in place. I did not want to let him go, I wanted him to stay, I wanted to hold him in my arms keeping him safe.

Hopefully next time, he will be coming home to me though. By that time I will hopefully have a place of my own, and it will just get better from that point on.


Well to all who read this, take care. From one bummed-out snow leopard, Owens.