Sleep is hard to come by...

This mythical beast that we call "sleep" proves itself extremely elusive to me tonight. I sit here on top of my bed, covered in my blankets, along with a shirt, shorts, and socks. Blankly staring at my ceiling, watching the somehow hypnotic, mind numbing ceiling fan of mine turn about. As I sit here thinking about nothing, a thought finally comes into mind. That thought was how much I want an Xbox 360, and what game I would get for it. There is one thing that I want more than anything else in the world though, that thing (well a person in this case) would be my boyfriend, Fernin. Even though I have said this before, I want nothing more than just to be with him, to spend my time with him, and to spend my life with him. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him, and how much I love him. Even as I sit here on my bed 1200 miles away from him, and not having even met him in person yet. I know that I truly love him; there is a bond that I feel so deeply, a bond that has every fiber of my heart and soul wanting to be with him. To others who doubt that our relationship will still be the same after we meet in real life, those people are so very wrong. I know that we are meant to be together, I know 150% that I want to spend my life with him, and I know that once I take my shot at that one chance in life to get it right, I will hit that seemingly invisible target of life. He will be there by my side every single step of the way, as I will be his side every step of the way too. Already I find my very fibers of my heart and soul entwined with his, already I find myself wanting more and more to be with him. It annoys me that I can't just drive over there and pick him up and bring him into my life. I am pretty damn sure that he wants that too, but I just don’t have the resources to do that right now.


Sorry if I seem that I am just rambling on and on, but as I try to put how much I long to be with my boyfriend into words, the words just keep flowing and flowing, in an unstoppable torrent of words. As I sit here, I fail to find words to try and forum how much I love this other soul.