The unfortunate SSDD (Same Sh!t Different Day) syndrome

Unfortunately nothing has come up in the past few days, well if you could count me being called "Dr. Frankenstein" at school now. That is a new thing that came up, the reason why I have that nickname now is because I took 2 non-working laptops and made one working laptop, without any knowledge on what the hell I was doing. To my luck though dell had a diagram on how to take apart their laptops, and after taking a look at that it was child’s play for me now.

Inspired

I was inspired by the latest disturbed cd (10,000) fists and I decided to make this little peice of artwork with a red ballpoint pen (2 actually, the first one ran out of ink)

Take a look and tell me what you think.

I cannot help but grin....

As my birthday creeps closer and closer, I realize that I have changed in so many ways. I used to be the innocent little child that kept to himself in the corner, but now I have mutated into this beast that demands attention. I have become the beast that I thought I would never become, and I am a beast that does have the bark and the bite to defend himself and others.

What surprises most people is that I am willing to bear my fangs for the people that do not have the ability to do so. Along with my fangs becoming sharper and sharper, and my bark becoming more and more fierce, that it even surprises me at times. So I cannot help but grin a demonic grin, and look back at the fragile little child that I used to be. Along with grinning at the challenges that I will face later in life. I may be still a child on the outside, but my mind is vast and broad, but there are minds even grater than mine. I still have not come across one person that thinks like I do, or acts like I do, I have though come across one that is extremely close to my mindset.

So now I am the kid who does sit in the corner, but I am a kid that is not alone in that corner. As I sit in that corner, I have friends that will sit there with me, and another person that can see things from my point of view.

The sleepless night...

I sit here in front of my laptop; trying to get a grip of the elusive beast we call "sleep". Yet I frighten off that beast with an even bigger one called "caffeine". I welcome the bigger beast named "caffeine" into my life because it is my friend; I use caffeine to chase away an even bigger nuisance that we have dubbed "migraine". Migraine is a relentless beast, causing pain and suffering without remorse. Yet caffeine chases away this monster full-heartedly and effectively. How it chases away this beast is very simple, it dailies the blood vessels inside of my brain letting more blood flow into my brain. But caffeine does not come without its downfalls; it makes one exited, jittery, and unable to think. When caffeine is with me, it generally helps me, but I sometimes stay around it too long, making me a totally different person than who I truly am. And right now, caffeine is doing a very effective job of fighting off the smaller beast we call "sleep".

(thank god its the weekend)

*Sigh*...

I keep all of my sorrow inside,
Waiting for it to consume me,
I try to hide it,
But the beast inside me has eaten through the shell,
Leaving me exposed,
Leaving me vulnerable,
Leaving me lost,
I try to overcome the beast inside me,
And sometimes I lose,
Today was one of those days.

The reason why I wrote that short little, depressing poem is because I had an extremely hard weekend. I had to put down one of my pets, and it just hit me harder than I thought it would. I thought that I could put it past me without a problem, but it turns out that I cant. I know eventually the depression will pass, but not without triggers to the happy and sad moments of the pets life that I shared with him.

Wow, that is a day I will not forget...

Yesterday (the 8th) was quite possibly the best day in my life; it was the very first time that I went to Santa Cruz Boardwalk. I loved every minute of it; I had friends, food, drinks (not alcohol) and fun. And generally it was just a friggin blast, ill see this upcoming weekend if I can get the pictures developed, so I can post some up here for ya guys.

Well goodbye from one sore, and happy snow leopard, Owens.

The Hatred

The hatred that fuels my blood is overflowing within my body, that hatred that I feel is amplified by the people who “discriminate” or “separate” people based on their religion, sexuality, or race. When I see acts of violence against the people of a “different” walk of life, it makes my blood boil with anger, and me wanting to totally smash the person who is discriminating against the victim. Unfortunately though, that would be against the law so I hold myself back and save the anger and hatred for later use. The hatred and anger is one of the reasons that I write my blog, it is a way to vent out my anger and hatred, and it is a way to get my voice heard. I am generally not a violent person, but when people are so narrow mined like most people are. It wakes up a side of me, which has some parts that I do not even know of yet, but for the better of me and other people. I just resort to using my voice, and I use the anger and hatred against stereotypes to fuel my voice, and to bring to light the hardships that the minorities go through everyday of their lives. I am not afraid to use my voice for myself, my friends, and others. I have no reason to be afraid, I am just using my voice, and I posses a voice that can, and will be heard, whether people like it or not. My voice will be heard by all.

Just Imagine...

I look at the world today and I see people fighting and dying for all types of worthless crap. Like the Iraqis fighting for "Allah", or gangsters fighting for their "territory", or various people killing in the name of "god". I take a look at it all and say why? Why fight for an unjust cause? Why fight for someone who most likely does not even exist? I would like to see these people just to try to imagine a place where there is no "god", no "devil", or "heaven", or "hell". Along with imagining that there are no "countries" or "territories", just living should be enough for people. But like most of them, they go and fight for their "god" figures, or fight for their "territory", or fight for their "ideas" on life. I just do not really see the point at all why they even do fight against each other, is it for "peace", is it for "equality", or is it for "acceptance"?. I have not seen anyone stand up and say "why"? Yet. But that changes today. (At least from what I see). I am one of those people who will stand up and say "why"? I am one of those people who will ask the questions, I am one of those people who seek the answer, among with countless others.

I never back down.

When I make a promise, I will do my best to see that through. When I say I will stand by a friend’s side, I will do it. I am not a person that will never back down, whatever the circumstances, I never ever back down. I never make empty promises; I do not do things "half-assed". When I do things I see them thru, and I will never give up. I will never leave my friends side if I said I would be there for him, throughout thick and thin I will be standing there beside him. I am willing to stand up for him, I am willing to protect him, I am willing to use my voice for him and others, and I am willing to face the consequences for standing by my friends side. I do not care though; it is in my nature to never leave, to never make empty promises. I am not afraid to stand and face my greatest fears or my friend’s greatest fears, I am just not afraid.


This blog has been inspired by the music I listen to (current favorite group, "As I lay Dying" favorite songs, "94 Hours", "The Beginning" and "Elegy"), and it is my nature, and part of my personality to help friends in need, and to be there when they need someone to be there the most. It does not matter if they are 2 inches away or 2,000 miles away, I will try my best to be there, and I will do my best to see whatever I say through.

The product

Well I felt that I should show people the first product that I have made in art class, I know it is not much, and it is a nametag. But it is not your normal nametag..... just take a look for yourself.

(just to let you know, that is not blood, it is red ink, I am not a masochist, just crazy)

It turns out.

It turns out that this school year is going to be quite possibly the most kick ass year I have ever had, I got all of the classes I want and I get to see my friends again. Plus being a teachers aid is a blessing in disguise (it is even better that I am the computer tech's aid) I get to do things I actually like, for instance I can actually go around the campus and fix computers, and help students. My art class is going to be kick ass also; I just really, really want to expand my art skills so I can express my views in picture form, or putting an idea in my head onto paper to never be forgotten. I have had art in my previous years, but I put absolutely no effort into it (I was a different person back then) but now I want to put effort into it, I want to become an individual, and I want my voice to be heard.

But overall I have a really, really good feeling about this year, and I am going to try my hardest to walk across that stage at graduation and continue on the unknown path that my life has set for me.